Notes on ‘Scotch Egg’ – ‘Six people outside and a scotch egg it is then.’ is a quote I stole (with permission) from my friend Deborah’s Facebook feed as she tried to decide what she was actually allowed to do to celebrate her birthday in June 2021.
Six People And A Scotch Egg It Is Then
Can I go to a pub or should I just stay in?
Can I go and get the hairs pulled out from my chin?
Can I visit the park? Will that cause trouble?
Can you explain who’s meant to be in my bubble?
When can I see my mates for lunch or Sunday dinner?
When is that allowed? Or will that make me a sinner?
When can I cuddle,hold, kiss, squish and maybe hand shake?
When will you tell me what l can really undertake?
Do I honour my birthday with a bloody scotch egg?
Do I get to go abroad? Maybe to Winnipeg?
Do I dance at a club, getting right down and dirty?
Do I share a hot tub and become a bit flirty?
What do I do about going to see those I cherish?
What happens if I want to take lessons in Spanish?
What distance can we navigate on the motorbike?
What’s the legislation if I decide to hitchhike?
Does getting the vaccine make me invincible?
Does eating cakes outside become punishable?
Does queuing for savouries mean an instant arrest?
Does anyone envision putting that to the test?
How do I visit the dentist and protect my face?
How do astronauts socially distance in space?
How do I survive on my Universal Credit?
How do I manage that without becoming a bandit?
Because, government, we’re confused what to do
And quite frankly, it seems, nor the fuck do you.
So for my birthday I will be outside this year
With a bastard scotch egg and shed-loads of beer.